(originally aired March 29, 2009)
One trick up this show’s sleeve is simply to just rehash and reuse premises from older episodes, this one being particularly egregious. They take one of my favorite shows ever, “A Milhouse Divided,” and flat-out say that it “didn’t count.” The Parson pays a visit to Reverend Lovejoy with some bad news, that due to some mishaps with his ministerial re-certification, any ceremonies he performed during that time were fraudulent. This happens to include Homer and Marge’s second wedding as featured in “Divided.” How long did the Parson sit on this news before telling Lovejoy? Clearly this didn’t happen twelve years ago, but there must have been some considerable time passed. Plus, wouldn’t the two have a government-sanctioned marriage license outside the church anyway? There’s really no problem. But whatever, this gives Homer the chance to give Marge the wedding she’s always wanted. …but, he already did. In “A Milhouse Divided,” at home with her family and friends, it was wonderful. But no, here, Marge turns into a Bridezilla, crafting a wedding that’s exorbitant and self-indulgent, whilst being impulsively rude to her husband. Sounds like Marge alright.
The day of the wedding, Marge finds Homer missing, and believes he’s fled thanks to her overbearing nature. But, actually, he’s been kidnapped and chained up in a dingy bathroom and taunted by a gruff, menacing voice over an intercom, and forced to do humiliating and painful things to earn his freedom. …oh God. First, Saw came out in 2004, leaving the show embarrassingly late to the punch as usual. Second, we find out that it’s Patty and Selma doing this, and I guess we’re supposed to think it’s funny. The mind reels when you think about how ridiculous this show has gotten. Originally, they were the sister-in-laws, these two hags who wore down on Homer with their words, fueling his insecurities that he’s not man enough for Marge. Now, they’re criminals, chaining him up like an animal and laughing at his suffering. But of course, they’re uncharacteristically brought to tears when Homer mournfully reads out his vows, and they let him go. In the end, Marge never apologizes, and still gets the lavish wedding she apparently was always dreaming of. Honestly, fuck this episode. “A Milhouse Divided” was so wonderful and heart-felt, and this one just takes a gigantic shit all over it.
Tidbits and Quotes
– Good opening line by Lovejoy (“So, in summary, there are only two real Commandments, and the other eight are just filler.”) The congregation murmurs in interest.
– I guess the fact that the Parson acts and sings like Bing Crosby is funny. I guess? Also, more shitting on beloved characters: apparently Helen Lovejoy was once Harold. But she has a daughter, so does that mean she was once transgender and identified as male? Why the fuck am I thinking about this?
– I know they make it a joke, but the whole conceit of this episode just feels so fucking stupid. Their marriage “didn’t count,” so now they have to do it again. It’s like when a kid is playing a game and fucks up, but claims it didn’t count and wants another try. But it’s even worse than that, it’s as if the kid had a dynamite first try, then asked for another and did the worst job possible. Every time Marge bemoans about wanting the perfect wedding and Homer saying he’s gonna give it to her… they already did. It was a great fucking episode, and you REFERENCE IT IN THIS ONE GODDAMMIT.
– Marge is unbearable enough this episode, but they cap it off with horrendous dialogue (“Bridezilla? A combination of ‘bride’ and ‘Godzilla’?!”) At this point, with the show openly explaining gags and plot points left and right, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was put in so drooling morons would pick up on the joke.
– The bridesmaids are doing final gussying up on Marge when she looks in the mirror. Then afterward, she radios to the main hall, and we see that all the bridesmaids are there already. Must have run super quick. Also apparently she’s real good friends with Cookie Kwan now. I’m shocked we actually had two anonymous faces there; I guess they ran out of the four adult female characters at their disposal.
– What a lame bait-and-switch with the Sideshow Bob thing, where he and Krusty are having some kind of homoerotic man’s weekend (“At night, we slept in the same bed for warmth!”) I guess Bob holds no hard feelings toward Krusty helping the Simpsons escape from Italy. But Bart and Lisa had the wrong “SB.” Who could it be? Selma Bouvier. And not only do we see her name plate at the DMV, but both “S” and “B” are in gold letters. I don’t think you made it clear enough, guys, there’s some morons out in Oklahoma who didn’t put it together.