(originally aired November 26, 2000)
Ah, after a few surprisingly passable shows, we have our first godawful episode of the season. It’s particularly reviled by fans for one scene in particular, but in all honestly I wasn’t that greatly offended by that part. It’s grossly disturbing and disgusting, for sure, but it’s just that there were so many other terrible things that happened prior that I had developed a callous to it, I guess. Virtually nothing about this show works; its fundamental story is flimsy and dumb, and everything it attempts just feels wrong. We start on familiar ground with the Simpson family deep in financial woes. We’ve seen this plot thread before many times, and done so, so, so much better. In place of actual emotional value of Marge worrying or Homer having concern over providing for his family, we have jokes about Homer mishearing “financial planner” as “financial panther.” Then we get a dream sequence about it. This is what passes for comedic content nowadays, I guess.
Meanwhile, Smithers takes a leave of absence, so Burns is left to his own devices. He’s in “Old Man and the Lisa” mode, in that he’s a completely helpless old man, thinking a vending machine is a toffee shop and calling the sneeze guard a “force field.” I think that episode to him is what “Homer’s Enemy” was to Homer; in that context in the specific episode, the characterization worked, but that exaggeration crept further into his personality as seasons went on. So Homer’s money problems are solved when he becomes Burns’ “prank monkey,” in that he will perform humiliating tasks about town for cash, like getting run over by cyclists or writhing on the floor at a stadium men’s room wearing only a diaper. So, is Burns like a creepy weirdo or something? He has dropped his employees through trap doors and subject them to tiresome tasks in the past, but his absolute glee over these petty and childish antics seems so alien. As I said with “Monty Can’t Buy Me Love,” do the writers just not know how to write for this character anymore? Clearly they don’t. For all the shit that Homer goes through in this show, I felt worse for Burns.
So the last straw for Homer involves him prancing around in a panda suit in an exhibit at the zoo. After he’s continuously shocked with electric prods (another vocal workout for Castellaneta), the male panda takes notice to Homer, and then proceeds to do unspeakable actions toward him behind closed curtains. Now, people call this the “panda rape” scene, but as Homer was in costume, it couldn’t be rape, per say. He was sexually assaulted by a panda for sure, but it was not rape. But look at me, I’m talking about alleged animal rape in a goddamn Simpsons episode. It’s so ridiculously out-of-place and terribly unfunny. I really wanted to turn the show off at this point, since there’s not much else here. Homer uses his ill-gotten money to buy toys for children, and is made Santa Claus at the Thanksgiving Day parade. Then Burns boards his float mid-parade and offers him a million bucks to throw fish guts at the crowd. He refuses, and Burns ends up doing it. He’s not arrested or anything, and again, what kind of freaky maniac is he? This show is absolute shit, I have no idea what the fuck the writers are doing to Burns, or why they think any of the truly distasteful content in this episode is funny. Certainly one of the record books here.
Tidbits and Quotes
– Bart gets his first ‘A’ and the family is astonished. He reveals the tale of how this could have happened: he stayed after school and ended up stuck in the janitor’s closet as Skinner and Krabappel came in and made love on Martin’s desk (“It is usually the cleanest.”) To distract himself from the dirtiness, Bart read over a nearby poster of the planets over and over and the information stayed (“So when I took the test, the answers were stuck in my brain. It was like a whole different kind of cheating!”) In the middle of Bart’s reading, we hear Skinner off-screen say in a strained voice, “Come on, Edna, don’t be tardy!” That’s fucking gross, what else could that be but him coming close to an orgasm. What’s with all the awful out-of-place sex jokes this season? It’s not like I’m a prude, and I’d accept them if they were funny, but they feel so wrong in this series.
– I guess the whole family can play instruments. Quite well, apparently.
– I like this back-and-forth between Marge and Homer (“When did we become the bottom rung of society?” “I think it was when that cold snap killed off all the hobos.”)
– Nice bit with Carl’s word-a-day calendar. He says, “I concur,” while the word that day was actually “conquer.”
– Honestly, nothing about the prank monkey stuff is funny. Even Homer eating Spider-Man #1 and Comic Book Guy near on having a heart attack, which is funny in concept, didn’t get a laugh out of me because Burns creepily peering in through the window makes no fucking sense.
– Smithers’ Malibu Stacey musical isn’t funny. Give me Planet of the Apes any day.
– Here’s an exchange between Homer and Lisa. I need someone to explain this to me (“What should I do with all this dirty, ill-gotten money? I’d better throw it in the garbage.” “Well, there’s lots of needy kids out there.” “I see what you’re saying. I need to buy a gun!”) So… is the joke here that Homer intends to shoot underprivileged children? I don’t understand the process of someone thinking of this joke, pitching it in the writer’s room, the other writers thinking it’s funny, Castellaneta recording it, them doing rewrites and test screenings, and through all of that, no one had a problem with this line. Less severe, but next episode we have the cash prize intended for “Mr. X” announced to be given to starving children, to which Homer screams in terror and outs himself as Mr. X. So is the joke that Homer is a deplorable human being? I guess. Whatever.
– Worthless cameo by Leeza Gibbons, Burns appearing on the float makes no sense, and for some reason he’s dressed in the Santa suit which I guess Homer somehow left behind. And it would fit him. Or something. I don’t know. There’s one or two funny lines in the third act, but I can’t be bothered to write them up. I don’t really care. Fuck this episode.